2008 The Year Of Shitty Dating: Prologue Part II

Before anyone calls the men in white jackets, I did realize at the time that these things were taking on unrealistic gargantuan proportions due to the fact that I was a little under the weather.

So to remedy my mood, I take my over the counter Nyquil Day and Nights and drink the cough medicine like it’s Kool-Aid. If I can’t shorten the length of the storm I will make the clouds a little fluffier and pinker.

And to fill in the days, which are short since I sleep for twelve hours of them, I leave the house a couple of times a week for supplies and to raid my local Blockbusters. I decide that if I have to be lateral, I’m going to watch everything I’ve been meaning to watch for the last 36 years.

So with Krusty the Clown hair shoved under a baseball cap, a hoodie in the middle of summer and I’m-about-to-rob-you shades on, I drive KITT to the entertainment capital of Lincoln Drive.

Did you know that you’re only allowed to have ten discs out from Blockbuster at any one time? Neither did I.

Once, as I checked out ten discs with the same guy that was working the counter the last three times I was here, I feel the need to qualify myself.

He bleeps my rentals through the scanner and I’m sure I detect an arched eyebrow. I can almost hear him thinking, ”you again?”.

Me: I don’t usually watch this many films.
Guy: Uh huh.
Me: I’m a screenwriter, it’s mostly research.
Guy: Right.
And then, I don’t even know why I say it, but I do.
Me: I have a life. Actually.
Which is exactly what people who don’t have, say.
Guy: Great.
Me: I’m sick.
With that, he looks at the DVD cases that he’s just touched, which moments ago were in my sweaty palms. I cough for effect. I feel a strange sense of joy and smile for the first time in weeks.

So after I plough through Rome, The Wire, Battlestar Galactica, The Shield and half the shelf stock of my local Rite-Aid, I turn a corner and I know that I’m on the mend.

Because I feel carnal desire once again. Through the hazy vision, the psych-ward hair and tongue thick with medicine, the distinct feelings of life begin to radiate again from below my waist. The Commander had returned to his post and was ready to fly.

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