It seems that I may have to give my statue back.
I cannot explain why or how this happened, but I’ve gone from not a bear to within a thousand miles to three within arm’s reach in a week. This is crazy. But after dwelling out there in the famine, I decide that I have to play this deck of cards I’ve been dealt and see where it goes.
Shortly after the Acadamies, an artist gets in touch with me online and needs a guy who looks like Jesus to pose for a painting that he’s doing. With the beard I’m sporting and the longer hair, I guess there is a resemblance. And it’s nice being compared to JC when you are about to embark on a journey as Mary Magdalene.
So I go to this artist’s loft and check out his work. Quite nice stuff. And the paintings were pretty good too. We have lunch and I see that there could be position open as the new muse. So that’s how the first one came about.
The second happened in the same week. I go to a party of writers and meet a lovely producer guy. I like everything about him except that he’s 30. I don’t normally do younger. When there’s a generation gap, I like to be on the smug end of it. But this guy is sweet and engaging and cute as a button. So I hand him a card and we talk later in the week about getting together.
The third just breezed in off the street and into a bar that I was imbibing in.
This leads to a rather complex problem of co-ordinating a series of stunt dates.
Stunt dates are the dates that you go on to do your truly impressive, “welcome to my LA” dates. Here’s my favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant, here’s my great little coffee place, let’s go to this awesome little cinema in Silverlake with Egyptian art deco ceilings etc etc. All done with just the right amount of casual surprise, “Oh, this old place, yeah, I guess it is cool.”
But when you are juggling three, it turns into quite the balancing act. I find that I’m out every single night. I could really use a Personal Assistant right now. You are seeing the same backgrounds, just that you have different leading men in front of you every night.
The fantasy of this is a lot harder than the reality. Then there was the problem that I really liked two of them. So I began to take them out to events. Trickier again. Especially when you start running into the same people at different do’s when you aren’t with the same person. Lots of introductions with raised eyebrows and suppressed smiles.
Plus this road show was getting expensive. Stunt dating isn’t cheap and I’d just made it my full time occupation. I’m hitting the ATMs up every week.
And to add a few more spinning plates to this circus act I was performing, there were a few other guest stars on the show that cropped up from all over. From Ojai to Long Beach, guest bears were putting up there hands for a night or two on the Karl show. Much to my embarrassment I said yes to all of it.
Finally the exhaustion gets to you. You have to start scheduling nights in so that you get at least one decent night’s sleep a week. This shit is hard. Maybe I’m too old for this.
Plus there’s that sinking feeling you can’t shake, that maybe this whole thing is just a little on the skeevy side. I’d see guys when I went out that I knew were doing the same thing I was. Some of them are even famous for it, where they’d be with a different one every time that you see them. And, oh, the massive judgements I would have about all that stuff. And yet, here I am walking face first into cliche land.
I never liked it when the guy I was seeing was seeing other people, even when there’s been no exclusivity chat. I probably should stop. First get rid of the guests stars. But which ones? Well at least cut down on the serious ones. But again which one? Hmmm, hard to say. But I’m going to get some resolve and start saying no. Yeah, I’ll start saying no. Thank God I’m having a night in.
Then the phone rings.
Hello? Oh hey how are you? Nothing. Sure, come on over.
I’m so weak.