Fresh from his defeat in the ticket lines of the AMC in Century City, Lewis has been asked by a friend to come to the launch party for Madonna’s new album in LA. Madonna, schmadonna, Lewis thinks, at least there’s going to be some free booze.
So Lewis rocks up with his friend to the glitteratious shindig and heads to the bar. As he is standing there in the line, he sees that Madonna is in the corner of the room with a gaggle of gays, holding court and receiving compliments all round on her new masterpiece.
Lewis takes this all in, but just as he reaches the front of the bar queue, he hears Ms Ciccone bellow from the other side of the room.
Madonna: Hey! Hey you!
Lewis turns to see that she is pointing right at him.
Madonna: Come here!!
Lewis pauses for a moment, he is just about to place his order and is ready for a frosty beverage. But after mulling it over for a moment, he trots over to her Majesty and stands in front of her and her courtesans.
Madonna regards him and smiles.
Madonna: So, what did you think of my new album?
Lewis: Haven’t listened to it. Honestly, I don’t really like your music. You’ve always struck me as a bit of a whore.
This is enough to make everything in the room go quiet. Madonna is stunned. She blinks a couple of times as her gays all hold their breath. Then she erupts in laughter.
Madonna: Sit down, you’re drinking with me.
So Lewis spends the entire night getting hammered with Madonna, dancing the night away and telling her how little talent she has. Which she seems to love. So much so that she invites him to a party the following night, gets his address and tells him that she is going to send a car.
Yeah, yeah, thought Lewis. It was a great night, they had a blast, but he’ll be all forgotten about by morning.
So the next night, Lewis is sitting in front of the TV eating some corn chips and salsa and catching up on some TV he’s missed when all of a sudden there’s a knock at the front door. Lewis opens it to find an enormous black man in a suit standing there.
It occurs to Lewis at this moment that he insulted one of the richest women in America, who has a temper and means, and then gave her his address.
Driver: Mr Lewis? Ms Ciccone has sent a car for you.
Lewis peeks over the man’s gigantic shoulders to see a towncar purring by the curbside.
Lewis: Can you wait 10 minutes?
In a lightning move, he was showered, shaved and shirted and out the door into the waiting ride. Upon arriving at the party he’s led straight to Madonna who insists that he stick with her the whole of the night.
More drinking, more laughing and more merriment before the same lovely man in a suit takes a worn out, smiling Lewis home.
He never heard from her again, but as Lewis says, he got to call Madonna a whore and hang out with her for a couple of nights. Which just about makes it all even.
He even illegally downloaded one of her albums. Hated it.